Navy Humor

 

     This page will display humorous navy anecdotes and sea stories sent to the Site Author. We'll start off with a joke sent in by Bob Strom to kick things off. If any of you old Cecil veterans out there in cyberspace have any stories or jokes, send them to me to share them with your shipmates.

 
 
 
 

(1) Submitted by: Bob Strom, YN2, 1959-1962

A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea-captain. "What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?"

"Throw out an anchor, sir."

"What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?"

"Throw out another anchor, sir."

"And if another terrific storm sprang up forward, what would you do?"

"Throw out another anchor."

"Hold on," said the Captain. "Where are you getting all your anchors from?"

"From the same place you're getting all your storms, sir."

 
 
 
 

(2) Submitted by: Bob Strom, YN2, 1959-1962

Ensigns

      A young ensign had nearly completed his first overseas tour of sea duty when he was given an opportunity to display his ability at getting the ship under way. With a stream of crisp commands, he had the decks buzzing with men and soon, the ship had left port and was streaming out of the channel.

      The ensign's efficiency has been remarkable. In fact, the deck was abuzz with talk that he had set a new record for getting a destroyer under way. The ensign glowed at his accomplishment and was not all surprised when another seaman approached him with a message from the captain.

      He was, however, a bit surprised to find that it was a radio message, and he was even more surprised when he read, "My personal congratulations upon completing your underway preparation exercise according to the book and with amazing speed. In your haste, however, you have overlooked one of the unwritten rules -- make sure the captain is aboard before getting under way."

 
 
 
 

(3) Submitted by: Bob Strom, YN2, 1959-1962

The Fighting Sailor

      In the 60's there was a Navy sailor who had for weeks been assisting in the landing of infantry in Vietnam. The sailor was fed-up with the work on the ship. He craved action, so he attached himself to one of the combat units and soon arrived at Hill 248.

      There was hot action and the sailor distinguished himself so that he was decorated for outstanding bravery. But his absence was discovered back at the port. They determined where he was and wired that he be returned immediately.

      The reply from the sailor's commanding officer read like this: "Your seaman is fighting on Hill 2' 48. He's doing a helluva job, been cited for bravery and decorated. You come and get him because we're afraid to go up after him!"

 
 
 
 

(4) Submitted by: Bob Strom, YN2, 1959-1962

The Pacific Tour

      A newly married sailor was informed by the navy that he was going to be stationed a long way from home on a remote island in the Pacific for a year. A few weeks after he got there he began to miss his new wife, so he wrote her a letter.

      "My love," he wrote "we are going to be apart for a very long time. Already I'm starting to miss you and there's really not much to do here in the evenings. Besides that we're constantly surrounded by young attractive native girls. Do you think if I had a hobby of some kind I would not tempted? "

      So his wife sent him back a harmonica saying, "why don't you learn to play this?"

     Eventually his tour of duty came to an end and he rushed back to his wife. "Darling" he said, "I can't wait to get you into bed so that we make passionate love!"

      She kissed him and said, "First let's see you play that harmonica."

 
 
 
 

(5) Submitted by: Bob Strom, YN2, 1959-1962

It's Not Just A Job, It's An Adventure

The following is an actual radio conversation released by the US Chief of Naval Operations on 10 October 1995:

NAVY:
Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

CIVILIAN: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to South to avoid a collision.

NAVY:
This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

CIVILIAN:
No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

NAVY:
THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER ENTERPRISE, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!

CIVILIAN:
This is a lighthouse. Your call.

 
 
 
 

(6) Submitted by: Ed Crowley, ET1, 1958-1960

     Legend has it that there was an admiral, a real sea dog, who would discreetly look down at a little card before leading his fleet into battle. When he retired, he left the card behind and his officers scrambled to see what inspirational wisdom was there. The card said, "Port is left and Starboard is right."

A Sailor's Ultimate Summer Job

 
 
 
 

(7) Submitted by: Jim Cashman, ETSN, 1960-1961

A salty Navy Chief and a crusty Marine First Sergeant are at a bar arguing about who had the tougher career. "I did 30 years in the Recon," the Marine declared proudly, "and fought in three of my country's wars."

"Fresh out of boot camp, I hit the beach at Okinawa, clawed my way up the blood-soaked sand, and eventually took out an entire enemy machine gun nest with a single grenade."

"As a sergeant, I fought in Korea alongside General MacArthur. We pushed back the enemy inch by bloody inch all the way up to the Chinese border, always under a barrage of artillery and small arms fire."

"Finally, as a staff sergeant, I did three consecutive combat tours in Vietnam. We humped through the mud and razor grass for 14 hours a day, plagued by rain and In a fire fight, we'd shoot until our arms ached and our guns were empty, then we'd charge the enemy with bayonets!"

Looking straight ahead, the Chief says nothing. Then after a deliberately long, slow drink, the Chief says, "Yeah, it figures...all shore duty."